There was another incident today. Only inhuman reflexes, the same that took a a set off Tim Henman, enabled Stuart to avoid a gout of boiling hot coffee scalding his genitals. No chance of suing me though, I’ve a watertight defense…….
It wasn’t my fault. As I plunged my caffetiere with abandon, a hairline crack in the glass gave way and it shattered – the force of the plunge sending the entire contents flying at Stu’s man bits. Proof that I’m not clumsy, I’m unlucky.
I’ve been pondering the unlucky core of my fecklessness before. Now I know it IS a curse. Stuart is obviously blessed though. His reactions were worthy of Neo and Morpheus.
NORTHERN PLANNER 
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