NORTHERN PLANNER

It's a hell of a year for all of us isn't it? For myself, I managed to add separating from my wife into the, already pretty wild, gathering storm. I'm still here thankfully.

I won't lie, there were times when it felt pretty overwhelming but I'm lucky that, by and large, I handle stress pretty well, you want me in a tight spot. I'm also fortunate to have friends to talk to. 

The same part of my make-up that meant I always did best times in the bigger swimming races and under-performed in the others, means I it takes a lot before I start going under.

This year has been a lot.

Yet going through all this has only served to teach me what to work on, how to get stronger. The worst times can open all sorts of doors eventually.

So, yes, stress, the demon of our modern age. Or is it?

Stress is certain in life, especially is you want to live a life that isn't lukewarm, this much is obvious.

How we handle it less so. You do have a choice. You could harness it as a tool, or you could let yourself be crushed under its intensity. Seriously, it's not what happens to you, its how you react to it that matters.

The benefits are hard to argue with. The best athletes and performers switch themselves on when the pressure ramps up and find that stress pushes them to do their best work when it matters the most.

Our bodies are designed to recognise danger signals and chemically improve our performance. 

Think of our obsession with that natural stress inducer, coffee. There's a reason so many of us love it.

But the short term benefits of stress can become a living hell if we carry the effects with us for longer than we should. If our natural fight or flight responses are constantly on, we simply can't function.

its like sugar, great for a limited boost, horrible if it’s more than that. 

Chronic stress destroys us unless we learn how to manage it, eating us alive from the inside. 

There are many, many ways to manage stress, here's how I do it.

Mindfulness is the most reliable first step. There are load of apps that can help you with this. You need to learn to recognise that tsunami of stress arriving, actually feel gratitude for the years of evolution that have led to your body trying to protect you. Then learn to control it, or at least ride it out.

The control comes from a mix of training, outlets and support.  These are the things that work for me: 

Reading

Taking walks (seriously the most simple thing in the world, yet so powerful)

Meditation- learn to be able to observe your thoughts rather than being overwhelmed by them. 

Spending time with people you care about, without a phone anywhere near you. Hold on to your friends for dear life, have good friends rather than many friends (or many good friends if your really lucky). 

Learn to prioritise.

Exercise – you don't have to be a pain junkie like I am. Just enough to get the endorphins flowing. It doesn't have to be hours, learn HIIT routines and you only need seven minutes a day. 

Finding your flow state -something that you love so much you lose yourself in it and nothing else matters.

Nature – just go near something green. Evidence for the benefits of this are legion. 

Breathing properly, few of us do. 

Finding someone you trust to talk to about anything and everything. ideally more than one, the more perspectives, the better. 

Getting enough sleep (easier said than done, I get it)

Building the courage to say no more often

 

What doesn't work? 

Pretending it's OK

Deciding to man up

Being strong

Bottling it up, not wanting to bother people

Surrounding yourselves with well meaning people who tell you to pull your socks up.

I was brought up to be a stoic. It's bollocks. 

Being British can be a pain in the arse too.  Living in a culture where we don't talk, keep our upper lips stiff and celebrate the Dunkirk Spirit is less than helpful. You might be British, but you are still a human.

Allow yourself to be one, you're enough.

I did some work for a brand on the bullshit culture of celebrating masculine strength, I believed in it, I still do. It takes more strength to be kind and admit your not all powerful. To admit you're wrong, that you need help. 

Not only is perfection impossible, it's bloody boring. Forget living your best life. Live your life, no one else. Did you know that Vloggers are all complaining of burn out? Go figure. 

Strength takes many forms, being vulnerable and admitting your human is probably the hardest, yet most important step you need to take.

So, there you go. You can can be free, control stress rather than it controlling you. 

The choice is yours.