NORTHERN PLANNER

So, finally, here are some pointers to dealing with the odd difficult situations you may come accross.

You’ll come across three difficults types of behaviour:

Dominant people taking up too much time and space liking the sound of their own voice.

Reticent people who don’t way much and are way too shy.

Evasive people who are just too bored to answer questions.

I think it all comes down to rapport. Try and understand why people are behaving like they do. Dominant people are usually quite keen and really want to help – they don’t get they are helping by letting others speak too. Shy people think their opinion will get shouted down – they need to know they won’t be dismissed as dumb. Bored people need to have their interest prickedm, or do a task to make the time pass.

I find that looking at non-verbal stuff helps – and gets to the root of why someone is behaving as they are:

Tapping fingers and feet means someone is impatient or annoyed

Frowning means someone’s impatient or disagrees

Stroking the side of the nose means someone is lying or exagerating.

Head scratch means someone is emarassed (as a shy person I do this all the time)

Hand on neck, pressing hands means someone is quite literally hot under tha collar.

Eyes peering over glasses means ‘i don’t believe you’.

Cleaning glasses means ‘I need more time’.

Look for incositencies between the spoken word and body language. And use body language yourself! It’s more subtle and less confrontional than direct words. I find cutting someone off with your hands more effective than telling them to shut up.

If you find the group is getting out of control, it’s time to either more on to distract them, or ask the group as a whole what is going on. They’ll soon realise they’ve got out of hand and simmer.

Using humor to defuse tension works really well.

And in the end, it all comes down to how hou behave. Confidence helps, but if you’re showing you are interested, and you’re curious, they’ll respond well. Rehearse the bits you need to – the intro and the big bridges. Be yourself – if you’re a good listener, listen. If you’re good at bossing people, be bossy  – BUT CHARMING WITH IT! I always warn people I’ll be interrupting during the session (I get impatient) but it’s only to get them out on time…….and if I do it too much they should have a go at me. We start forming a bond right there, and they know what to expect.

So there you go. Hope this ‘groups’ stuff is useful.

So:

Tap your fingers