NORTHERN PLANNER

Right, tea needs your help. Red wine is winning. I wanted to keep this friendly, but Angus has awoken the Kraken with needless jibes at everyone’s fabvourite little drink.

If you must, read Angus’ post here, but then read the below.

First off, Angus reckons tea drinkers do some fey thing with there little finger like this…

Have you ever seen anyone do this? I don’t know the circles that Angus lives in, but this seems like a red herring. And anyway, all that lame stuff when waiters pour a little into your glass for you to try – as if anyone is going to send it back. Not to mention the objectionable sniffing..

And those ridiculous descriptions ….. "Wonderful notes of toasted plum followed buy a long finish edges with a faint taste of sauted tarmac. I love red, but totally reject all that fey bollocks.

And as for those bogus claims that red wine is better for you than tea. Let’s be clear, red wine can be good for if you only have one glass a day. ONE GLASS – what sort of horrific self denial is that? One smidgin of a taste and that’s yer lot guvnor. PULEEAAASE!!!

When it comes to the bare facts, wine gets you drunk, which gets you into all sorts of bother; from thinking you can dance to telling your boss how much you fancy them. And it knackers your liver.

Tea on the other hand can be drunk pretty much like water. And it contains theanine. Theanine both relaxes you and keeps you alert. Now red wine drunk sensibly can be relaxing, but alert? I think not.

And finally, wine is loaded with calories. 119 calories per glass. That’s about 15 minutes on the treadmill per glass. That’s two slices of toast. So bottle is like eating a loaf of bread. That’s right, red wine makes you fat, bloated and slovenly. Tea keeps you thin, makes you alert AND relaxes you.

Tea wins, so show red wine the door. And vote tea.