NORTHERN PLANNER

1. Creatives think they're scary, but they're nothing next to traffic

2. The world is divided into those who think planners are a necessary pain in the neck and those that think planners are a pain in the neck

3. Every year will see the predicted death of something that doesn't die

4. Every year will be the age of something that won't come of age

5. The size of client organisation is inversely proportioned to its collective intelligence

6. The head of cleint services in 'e' who isn't really management material, is mostly useless but has been an account director too long, has started getting in the way is, is given a pointless job. Apt in quite a few cases, pretty apt

7. Make the Chief Exec's PA your friend at all costs

8. Make traffic your friend. This is even more important

9. Make the people at the research agency your friend (friends close, enemies closer etc)

10. Admire account handlers. You couldn't do their job

11. If you're a planner, the best account handlers and creatives think they can do your job, they are right (bastards)

12. If you're a planner, the worst account handlers and creatives think they can do you're job because they haven't a clue what it is and don't care (bastards)

13. The best new business folk tend to have been incredible suits. They're great at making contacts and getting onto pitches but then know to step away. The worst have never done the day job, but think they can. And don't know when to step away. 

14. Clients want to know if your work is any good and if they might like working with you. They don't care about the agency positioning

15. Clients want the pitch team to be the people who will work on the account (see point 13)

16. Be nice to everyone, this industry is too small

17. Take the time to be nice to junior people. You were them once, you know what it's like and one day, they may end up as your boss

18. Don't do the same thing for too long. Change the agency, change the clients. It's the only way to avoid becoming crap and, in the case of changing agencies, get a decent pay rise

19. But stick with people you trust, people you like and especially people who are more talented than you

20. Agency people are not like normal people. Make sure you hang around them too. It wilk make you better at your job, more importantly, a better human being

21. Everyone reads the same blogs and books as you do. Fish where others don't fish. But clients don't, so don't assume the 'lastest thing' means anything to them, and if you can't prove it will shift market share by 3% or whatever, they have a point

22. Most 'ad folk' don't really know what they're doing but got found out long ago

23. Most digital folk don't know what they're doing, but will get found out soon

24. Even more social folk and PR don't know what they're doing, but don't get measured on much that matters, so will get away with it

25. You can tell a lot about a place by the quality of its tea

26. Everyone wants to work at Wieden and Kennedy (including me)

27. Never talk about clients on trains

28.  Always check you've clicked 'forward' rather than reply

29. Creative directors should be surgically removed from layout pads

30. The job is too hard not to enjoy it. If you're not, do something about it

31. If you're a suit and good in creative reviews, writing briefs and stuff, but always turn up late, always have typos in the contact report and get lost on the way to client meetings, you're probably a planner

32. If you're a marketing graduate in your first agency job, you need to understand it really doesn't work like they taught you

33. There are two realities in agency life. The real one and the one in case studies and conference seminars

34. You get to work with the most interesting, kind and fun people on planet Earth.

35. There are exceptions

36. Take the blogs with a massive pinch of salt

37.By all means write a blog youself but don't mistake any level of readership for accomplishment in the job

38. How many creatives does it take to change a light bulb? None, they're not fucking changing anything

39. You know it's time to calm it at awards do's when you wake in a hotel broom cupboard

40. You will get fired or made redundant at least once unless you're very lucky. You will thank them one day

41. Shagging clients is never advisable

42. Some places work very long hours. Some don't. Some work long hours just because, others because they're determined and committed. Some work short hours because they're efficient and get on with stuff rather than talking about it, others just want stuff off their desks

43. Some people don't think the job is life or death. Appreciate them, they do the boring tasks you don't want to, and have a life outside the office, which probably makes them more interesting than you are

44. Avoid crashing into your biggest client's Merc

45. Don't turn up at the wrong hotel and faint in front of Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan

46. Kenneth Branagh is a good bloke

47. TV and photo shoots are really boring

48. Be nice

49. This is supposed to be fun

50. What we do really doesn't matter too much, as soon as you learn not to take it seriously, it's much better for all

51. What we do it 10% of what clients have to think about, once you get that, the relationship is much easier

52. A line is not an idea

53. If it's not good as a rough, it's not good

54. Powerpoint is not the point

55. Data is only as good as the person interpreting it

56. If you want to knit a group together, make them the pitch team

57. You can make any project interesting if you try. If you're a planner, that's kind of your job

58. No one cares about the creative brief half as much as its author

59. Absolutely no one cares about the 'brand essence' except for its authors and the people who funded it's development

60. A logo is not a brand

61. If you worked on something good, or at somewhere good a few years ago, stop telling people, they care about what you're doing now

62. Did I say be nice?