NORTHERN PLANNER

I'm the clumsiest person you'll ever (or probably never) come across. To the point where if I meet someone new and it involves a beverage, I'll warn them they're likely to have it accidentally thrown all over them sooner rather than later. 

Be warned. 

Yet, when I get in the water, everything works. It's like I was born in the wrong ecosystem, maybe I'm really Aquaman, who knows. All I can say is that when I start doing a few strokes, things just start to fall into place.

So during lockdown, I've ached for swimming. Having pools taken away from me has been tough.

My parents live by the sea, not being able to see them was bad enough, not being near the sea for so long is difficult too. 

Now of course, we're allowed back into pools. So first chance available, I was bashing out as many laps as I could before I feared my arms would fall off.

When I used to race, there was never a day when my shoulders and arms didn't ache from all the training.  Having that pain back was welcome reminder of who I am, or at least who I was. No, definitely who I am, that person does't disappear, he’s just dormant. 

Swimming re-arranges me, pure and simple. 

But the sea, the sea. The tang of salt in your nostrils, the feel of pushing against the current, the sensation of smallness against the vastness of the ocean, the restorative cold, the shocking pain of the first icy grip that loosens into pleasant ache. 

I didn't realise how much I crave the sea until I wasn't allowed to be near it.

So it's with relief I can report I'm finally taking the kids to see my parents next week, to Cornwall. I can already see that first morning running down the hill, the three of use have body boards under our arms, ready to thrown ourselves into the waves.

That said, I've realised this is still not enough. While the pools were still closed, I began to investigate open water swimming closer to home.

I soon discovered a whole subculture of folks living a double life. Normal people with normal lives and jobs, who also happen to swim in lakes, almost right under my nose.

Sometimes it's legal, some times it isn't, but it's like a secret society, a cult who love doing something the usual people do not. They relish the visceral thrill of diving into real, bloody cold water, they way it stirs the soul as well the body. I realised I want that too.

So I'm going to start quietly driving to some of the lakes near me, getting in and seeing what happens. I don't know what will come of it, but there's only one way to find out isn't there?

I know I'll enjoy the deeper experience, I expect I'll enjoy being a quiet rebel, but mostly, I'll just love swimming under the sky more often. 

I'll still do the pool a bit, I simply can't give up the pain and suffering of cycling, but just want to try this too.

I've found that trying something new doesn't change you, it reveals something inside that was always there. Just as meeting certain people can give you a fresh perspective on who you are and who you want to be.

I suspect the yearning to do this is like that, you might want to call it a mid-life crisis, you might be right, but I just kind of think there are parts of be that haven't been given a voice yet. It takes getting to a certain point in your life to understand this. So let's what the voices want to say.