NORTHERN PLANNER

“Who will be my primary contact to interface with?”

“We’re way off the point of actual ideation”

“I like recessions, the fear means we can squeeze far more out of our people”

“I agree with you completely. However….” (every single meeting)

“Put that hardhat on. No really put it on. Now take this celery and hit yourself on the head again and again, because it’s more likely you’ll eventually knock yourself out than me paying this fucking bigger fee”

 

To a creative team:

Day one: “This is the last change the client is going to make”

Day Two: “Just a couple of final tweaks before it can be signed off”

Day Three: “Has the print run started yet?”

 

“These are not the fucking changes I briefed, what sort of a twat do you take me for? How fucking simple is it to get a fucking wine leaflet right? Oh bollocks! This is the chicken leaflet isn’t it? Fuck me, I’m sorry, mind you why the fuck didn’t you say I was talking about the wrong bastard leaflet?

“The secret to marketing? I’ll tell you the secret to marketing, it’s selling a loaf of bread to poor simpletons for 10p less than the other bastards”

“We just don’t go for this emotional stuff”

“This is a professional organization, put some bloody shoes on”

“I haven’t got my credit card, can you get the bill?” (said the Head of Client Services to the account exec when the £2,000 bill came in for the client lunch”

“I can’t make my mind up with these scripts, can we have an animatronic please”

“Fucking salience? What’s salty water got to do with my fucking brand?”

“Just letting you know you replied to my email. I’m assuming you wanted to forward it?”

Ring ring….“I know it’s two in the fucking morning, but I’ve just had a thought”

“Do they still bother with suits Up North”

“Bloody planner”

“Can you give us a worse proposition?”

“We’re going to make a cartoon panda sponsor a racehorse”

“Get out of my broom cupboard”

"No one leaves this bar until dawn. 6 more black russians on the way"

"Look, the trick of a contact report is not to report what happened and what was said. It's a second chance to get we wanted out of the meeting. No one reads them anyway"

"When you sign on the teleconference, everyone can hear you mate"

"You forgot to press mute"